A Christmas Letter

Dad,

I write to you on Christmas day, 2021. It's 2140hrs and I've had a couple of glasses of wine, which is making it a little easier to put pen to paper.

I've wanted to do this for a while, but I've been putting it off because I've been struggling to consolidate my thoughts and feelings into meaningful concise sentences; let alone paragraphs. But today I thought "why the hell not!?"...

It's been five months since you passed away, and not a day goes by where I don't think about you - I miss you dearly. I miss our random calls at odd hours in the evening to talk about nonsense whilst I wash up, or en route to grab the boys from their nursery. Mum misses you, so do Jason and Jordan; we had to have Christmas dinner at my place because it's all still rather raw. However today has been a good day, good food was had - and I cooked just enough potatoes for the eight of us - just to keep you in the loop - I do have a lot of food leftover though. It's really strange not having you around, even stranger when you're not here to help in the kitchen - I had to rely on Jason, and boy was that frustrating; I gave him one job "cut the turkey up" and I found him eating it. I wished you were here today, everyone does, it's just not the same without you.

Christmas dinner was fun though: Jason decided it was a fantastic idea to pile his plate about 4 inches deep with food, I wish I got a picture - it was quite the sight to behold; even funnier to watch him take nearly an hour to eat it all. Jordan went for seconds, Isaac and Aiden both polished off the food too. Mum seemed to enjoy herself, cleared her plate, same with Sienna. You know Mum has a dog now right? It's a ginger Labrador and he even got a plate because there was soo much food leftover. You'd love him, he's soo much like Connor it's unreal - just a little more excitable but he keeps Mum and Jordan sane and takes away the sadness.

The boys are getting bigger, Aiden is almost walking - soo, soo close now. Isaac is so perceptive and quick with anything new, you'd be incredibly proud. Both are growing up incredibly fast. Aiden was opening presents this morning, although I think I need to have a word with Santa as he made it too hard for him to open some of them. Isaac got a tonne of lego, which I've already built most of with the help of Ellie, Mum, and Jason.

Some other news you might want to read, I got Isaac out on his Bicycle the other month. Had to adjust the seat height somewhat so he could reach and operate the pedals, but he loved it. Planning on taking him out on it again tomorrow so that we can burn off some of the calories, God knows, and my gut to be fair, I need to. Isaac is almost reading too, he's picking that up really quickly. He recognizes a few words here and there, but he's getting the hang of it really fast.

Do you remember that you promised Mum a new hob and oven a while ago? Well, I decided that would make a good birthday present. Nearly two months later and it's all finally fitted and what a palaver it was - I'll save that for the next letter if you don't mind!

All in all, I think we're coping. I've put pictures of you up in my dining room - what pictures of you I could find; two in fact. One of us outside, in the family photo at my Wedding, and the other of you and Isaac cooking food on your barbeque together. Isaac doesn't really understand where you are, but he misses you too along with Aiden and Ellie.

It's been quite a long day, and if you don't mind I'm going to try and get some sleep. I don't really know how to sign this off, but if you were here to read this I'd say "Merry Christmas" and give you a hug - so I suppose that will just have to do...

All my love,

James